Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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