I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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