You work out of a Hotel?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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