Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
