He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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