I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
please come you make the beer taste better
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
