I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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