my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
