You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
