two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
