did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
