we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
