And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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