the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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