GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize