someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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