Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Randomize