I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize