I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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