People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's like heaven, but drunker
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
