Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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