i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize