Where did you get a picture of my penis
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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