u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize