apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
