my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
