I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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