there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
