so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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