Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
