You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
