All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize