Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
