Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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