WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
