No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
