I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
