hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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