Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
