So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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