Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
