You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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