shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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