how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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