whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
