just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
