Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
