carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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