My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
