saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so let's talk penis.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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