Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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