if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
