i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You are a genius and a whore.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
