I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
either way he was missing a nipple.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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