I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In other news, I just burned my penis
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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