yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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