I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
