I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
