I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
