i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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