i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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