Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
