I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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