the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
