my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
