Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
