just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Randomize
