His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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