Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
