Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
