Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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