did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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