I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
