Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
