so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
