end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
