What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
