It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
